Parents of Challenging Children support group

Tweens to Teens; Straight Talk about Your Changing Body

Having to buy a bra, wearing deodorant, having to shave and getting a period,  are only a few of the changes that girls go through when they first enter puberty. When girls can talk openly with a woman they trust, these changes will be much less frightening.

On April 11, from 5:30 to 8:00 pm, Family Strengths Network will host “Tweens to Teens,”a workshop for 9-13 year old girls and their moms or other female adults.

This program gives girls a chance to talk about the physical and emotional changes that come with puberty in a safe environment. They are given complete, accurate information so they know what to expect and how to deal with these changes.

This will be the third year FSN offers Tweens to Teens. Meagan Pfeffer, RN, the Los Alamos Public Health Nurse, and Jennifer Bartram, a prevention educator who has been helping families communicate for 15 years, teach the workshop. 

Pfeffer goes over the physical changes that girls experience when they enter puberty, such as beginning a menstrual cycle and hygiene issues that come up. Bartram does a presentation about communication and values.

Even moms who have already begun the discussion about puberty with their daughters will benefit from the workshop because girls have the support of other girls who are going through the same thing.

Sometimes people are squeamish about asking questions. This is a chance to ask any type of question and get a straight-talk answer. No question is too weird to ask!

For example, the girls are usually really interested to find out how to work feminine hygiene products. Pfeffer brings in tampons and maxi pads so that the girls can look at them, take them apart and figure out how they work. It’s important for girls to know how to operate these hygiene products ahead of time and get in the habit of carrying them around, just in case.

“We have good participation,” said Bartram. “It's a safe place for girls to talk about these things and learn from the women.  The open dialogue really helps. ”Tweens to Teens is not talk about sexuality or sex. Participants will get the tools they need to navigate potentially awkward subjects.

Bartram, who works with teens every day, teaches mothers and daughters how to establish better communication during this stage of life. One exercise lets kids and adults see how much they have in common and where they differ in their personal values.

Bartram also shows participants how to begin discussions and negotiate agreements, about things like curfew and homework before they become arguments. “Teens want clear, set boundaries,” said Bartram. “And they want to be able to negotiate different boundaries as they get older.”

“The group support is very important,” said Bartram. “Takes it one step further than the discussion that you would have at home.”

Everyone will receive a valuable reference tool that they can take home. The book The Care and Keeping of You; The Body Book for Girls, explains everything a girl needs to know about her changing self in a fun and appealing way. It covers topics like acne, diet and exercise, braces and breasts.  

The workshop is $35, and financial aid is available (please ask). A pizza dinner will be served.

Register online at www.lafsn.org. Call 662-4515 if you have any questions. FSN is located at 1990 Diamond Drive in the Pueblo Complex in Los Alamos. FSN is a United Way Community Partner.

The tummy time blanket

Calvin's attempts at being like a baby aren't all bad.  When they have "tummy time" together, he is being very nice to her.

Baby Calvin

I don't know whether it's sibling rivalry, or the fact that Calvin had a cold coming on.  But a little while ago Calvin needed to wear a Spiderman band-aid all the time, and he wanted me to feed him with a bottle on my lap.  It's pretty ridiculous. I humored him, and he grew out of it (or, at least I think he did. I had to feed and burp him last Wednesday night when we went to eat with Janice).

Pee like a man!

A lot of my friends advised that having a baby would mean that, even if I did succeed in potty-training Calvin, he might revert back into his old ways when the baby came. Luckily, he isn't potty trained completely, but now that the baby is born, we're back to fighting the potty training battle.

Quinn has come up with some fun potty chants. So, especially around bedtime, you might find the entire Marksteiner family parading around upstairs (Calvin usually does his parading in the nude) singing "Pee in the Potty, Pee in the Potty, Pee in the Potty bump bump bump!" at the top of our lungs.

This has gotten Calvin pretty pumped about using the potty.  We occasionally beat on drums while doing this, and when he finally goes to the potty and pees we cheer for him.

Another chant (that Quinn made up) is good for encouraging young men to pee standing up. It goes (and you have to sing it like you're some kind of pro-wrestler taunting the competition): Pee like a man like a man like a man, Pee like a man like a manly man man!"

When we sing this Calvin gets the stool out and either pees in the toilet or does a high shot into the toilet.

For Christmas he got a pack of superhero underpants and I tried to get him excited about them by waving them around and saying he can try wearing underpants in the morning.... but that didn't go over too well. He cried and screamed.

Oh well.  Some changes take a little getting used to. I can't expect to start flinging underwear around and expect him to be automatically enthusiastic. Luckily he got a neat book for Christmas that makes underpants seem cool: Aliens Love Underpants, By Claire Freedman. In it the aliens come down to earth to play with underpants.

But the thing that got Calvin to appreciate underwear wearing is flattery (hey-it works every time with me!) I put on a pair of underwear on him when he was distracted (he was looking at a Wiggles book when I was changing his diaper).  Then, to be honest, I forgot that he was wearing it, so a couple of hours later his sweatpants were wet, and I took him upstairs for a bath. When he pulled down his sweatpants I said, "Wow! You've got underpants on! Cool!"

He looked down to see his awesome new underpants and I could tell he felt like a real big shot. He was talking about them all night as I got him ready for bed. Then I put another pair on over his diaper when he slept. (I don't have a rubber sheet yet... so I'm not ready to let him sleep without a diaper). When Quinn came home from his jazz band rehearsal, I told him to go upstairs and compliment Calvin on his underwear. It worked. Calvin knows it's cool to wear underwear.

We still have a few struggles. He still is rebellious and doesn't want to go to the potty when we ask him, and sometimes he only wants to wear the orange underpants and if the orange underpants are dirty we'll have to suffer through an afternoon-long temper tantrum.  Why do kids have to be potty trained while they're so emotionally volatile and unreasonable? Sounds like the topic for another blog post.

Nightmare U

It's almost Halloween, and we finally got our costumes: Chewbacca for Calvin, Darth Vader for Quinn and Jabba the Hutt for me. But last night, as we were getting ready to go swimming (we weren't even going to watch TV) Calvin suddenly started screaming, "Don't want to watch Star Wars!" and crying.  He was really upset, and we wondered if he had a Star Wars nightmare during his nap.

I think his imagination must be at a place where he's having nightmares and getting scared of the things that he sees on TV and in real life. I hope he won't get scared when we all put on our costumes.

It's not even like we watch shows that are that scary. There's a skit on his Sesame Street DVD where Smokey Robinson sings "U really got a hold on me" as a giant foam U attacks him and clings to his legs.
It's cute, I think, but lately Calvin's been crying when it comes on.  I have to fast forward through it! We figured he must have had a nightmare about that, and Quinn said, "If there's a heaven, I want to see Calvin's U dream."

The moral of the story is we don't let Calvin watch Dexter with us.

What's an appropriate reward for pooping near the potty?

After our vacation was over Quinn and I decided to try to get Calvin interested in potty training once again.  But, on top of the fact that he usually runs away when we suggest going potty, progress is still pretty shaky.  I think the main problem is that he's a little too creative with his technique.

First off, he always insists on being completely naked before attempting any bladder control methods.

Then, a week ago he was going to pee. Sounds simple enough. There was a potty seat facing the toilet and a stool in the middle.  I think he could choose between standing on the stool to pee in the toilet or sit on the potty seat, or maybe stand on the ground and pee in the potty.

So what does he do? He stands on the stool and aims for the potty, and pees on in, not in it. I'm trying to be encouraging while pulling out the Clorox wipes. I mean, he's close, right?

Yesterday he was leaning against the ottoman, and his face started to scrunch up in an all too familiar way. I rushed him into the bathroom and took off his diaper. "Hurry, sit on the potty and poop there!" I said.

"No!" He struggled to his feet. "No more potty chair!"

He got up on the stool, and I thought he might sit on the toilet.  Instead, from up on the stool, he lifted his leg like a dog and pooped on my foot!

It was seriously his best attempt at pooping so far and as an added bonus he sat on the potty afterwards and peed a little.  But I had more cleanup to do.

I gave him a congratulatory popsicle, and he didn't really want it. Oh well... I didn't really want him to poop on my foot either, so I guess we're even.

Chemistry set... or rubber chicken?

Last week we went to Border's because I had a gift certificate (thanks Melissa!) and Quinn wanted to get a book, and we also wanted to get an enriching toy or game for Calvin.  The last time I went there was a Dr. Suess letters game (Dr. Seuss's ABC Game) that was kind of like twister, and there were Krinkles and all kinds of puzzles. 

So what was Calvin's highbrow choice? A totally nasty rubber chicken that poops out an egg! He actually pulled out all of the rubber chickens and played with them one by one, and played with it all the way to the cash register (we had to wrestle it out of his hands to buy it) and then it was non-stop giggling in the back seat of the car going home, and he slept with it too. 

NM Education Department is Using Driving to Keep Kids in School

NM Education Department is Using Driving to Keep Kids in School

Lesson #1

In the past few weeks I've been potty training Calvin. So far it's been.... messy, what can I say?

We tried a few months ago, with him standing up, but nothing came out. Then my friends told me that I'm supposed to teach him how to pee sitting down, and when he masters that he can try it standing.

So I bought two potty pods.  They're these soft cushy throne-like potty chairs.  The first time he tried it, he peed. I thought, awesome, this is going to be easy. And in a way it is.

I don't have to bribe him.  He likes stickers fine, but he doesn't see the connection between getting stickers and peeing. What really motivates him is being able to pick up the little pee pot and pour it into the toilet and flush. (I know, that's supposed to be my job, but he wants to do it.) So we were both in the bathroom.  I was sitting on the toilet and he was on his potty chair.

Then, quick as a flash, he said, "Good job, Calvin," stood up and poured the pee right on my lap! I couldn't get up fast enough!

This other time he finished and just flung the pee towards the toilet, like a monkey, and of course, it landed on my shirt.

So we're getting there. It's a couple notches messier than changing diapers. I welcome advice.

Incarceron

I know. I usually use this blog to review books for really little kids. But Incarceron, by Catherine Fisher is the kind of book that you buy for yourself and keep it around until your kids are old enough to read for themselves. 

Its a YA fantasy about a seventeen year old boy, Finn, who is trapped in a living, breathing, ever-watching prison.  The prison was created 150 years ago to contain all the unwanted members of society forever.  Finn is convinced that, unlike the other prisoners there, he wasn't born inside the prison, and he wants to escape.  This review explains the plot really well. 

Catherine Fisher describes this bizarre world in such a clear and vivid way.  Quinn and I both devoured it and are ready to check out all of Fisher's books. 

The Times named it the Children's Book of the Year.

Tell me about your favorite children's book and win a $40 gift certificate!

Have you been thinking about updating your bathroom vanity, or getting a new mirror or light fixture?

Well, I'm giving away at $40 gift certificate that can be used at http://www.justvanities.com/, and it can also be used at any of the 200 CSN stores online. You can use it to buy things for your home, your kitchen, your kids or your pets!

To win, just tell me what your favorite children's book is and why you like it.

Either post a comment directly on my blog, or send me an email or Facebook message (and I will paste it onto the blog in the comments section).

If you win you'll be sent a personalized promo code that will allow you to spend $40 online.

The deadline is Thursday, May 20th.  Good Luck!

I am going! by Mo Willems

Gerald the gets a little distressed when Piggy announces that he's going.

It reminds me of Calvin's routine when I drop him off a preschool.

After a fair amount of drama, we realize that Piggy is just getting a little lunch, so it shows the difference between going away permanently and just stepping out for a minute.

Pigs Make Me Sneeze, by Mo Willems

We have read Mo Willems' pigeon books until they fell apart, so I decided to buy Pigs Make Me Sneeze.  The elephant has a cold and he thinks that his piggy friend is making him sneeze, and starts to worry that they won't be able to be friends anymore.

I like kids' books where one of the characters makes a mistake and has to go through all kinds of emotional angst before they realize that they were wrong. I mean, how can you get any perspective on how how much you like being around your friends unless you think you're allergic to them?

Our favorite age-inappropriate television

Why oh Why am I writing about Lost on my children's books blog? I don't know, but for some reason Calvin is as addicted to it as everyone else in America.

We're total fuddy duddies when it comes to TV in our house - we just don't watch it.  But we do rent DVDs, and we just started watching Lost (so don't spoil it!)

We tried unsuccessfully to get Calvin to bed, and just let him watch it with us.  He was happy as a clam, sitting between us late at night on the couch with his bottle of milk, and people screaming on TV around the wreckage of their airplane.

The next night Calvin said, "Wanna watch the Lost?"

He asks to watch Lost all the time. Sometimes I get worried that it's going to warp his mind, like when the pregnant lady started screaming bloody murder and he imitated her for the next ten minutes. But clearly, something about the show appeals to him.  The waves? The golden lab? I don't know.

Added bonus: He's learned how to say L-O-S-T spells Lost!

Ducks have feelings too!

A couple days ago Calvin started to develop a nurturing side.  He started carrying around a fluffy duck that Katie gave him for his first Easter and announcing, "The duck is sad!"

Then he holds the duck out for me or Quinn to hug and kiss.  Then the duck will get sad again, so he'll hug the duck and say, "Oh, poor duck."

He's also been extra connected to other ducks.  We couldn't leave the pool until he said goodbye to the rubber duckie that he was playing with, and kissed it's bill.  We went to Ashley Pond and spent twenty minutes talking to the ducks and wondering what they were thinking about.

Then today, he brought the duck with him to preschool.  He's had a hard time adjusting to preschool, especially the Ark, where he seems to rotate between a few different classrooms.  He went in clutching the duck and he was still holding him when I picked him up three hours later. His teacher said that he did so much better and didn't get upset once.  When he got into the car, Calvin told me that the duck wants pizza.

Do you remember the words to Puff the Magic Dragon?

Quinn and I have been trying to sing "Puff the Magic Dragon" to Calvin since he was born, but can never remember the words. So I was delighted to find this book and CD set. It has the song "Puff the Magic Dragon," sung by Peter Yarrow (of Peter Paul and Mary) in book form with paintings by Eric Puybaret. The CD also has a few other relaxing songs.

Our multi-lingual Easter

Calvin's favorite DVD is Here Come the 123's by they Might Be Giants, and he watches it so much that he has all the songs memorized.

On Easter we went to Vespers at the Orthodox Church in Los Alamos. Their tradition is to read the Easter gospel in every language that people speak. The whole thing was really impressive, because there were only 12 people there and the gospel was read in 9 different languages.

It was Quinn's job to read it in Spanish, and my job to read it in German. Quinn got up and was nervous, because his Spanish is pretty rusty. Calvin was sitting on the bench with a coloring book being pretty quiet, but when Quinn started to read in Spanish, Calvin started to sing one of the songs from the DVD - the part where they start to add in Spanish.

Quinn just lost it. He couldn't read because he was laughing too hard. I was laughing too. Unfortunately, nobody else could hear what Calvin was doing, so they must have just thought Quinn was just nervous.

Then it was my turn. I was trying so hard to concentrate and ignore Calvin, but it was impossible because he started stuffing crayons into the pockets of my dress, which made me laugh. It was not a good day for public second language speaking.

Blue Moo

This CD/ book set has 17 funny Sandra Boynton songs sung by a lot of famous singers. My favorite is BB King singing the One Shoe Blues. The book has illustrations for all the songs, plus all the music so you can learn to play the songs on the piano.

Our latest, have to read it five times in a row, favorite.

This version of Chicken Little has 5 out-of-it birds running around underneath an umbrella with no plan because the sky is falling.

It's fun to read out loud because you can make noises like "Bonk!" "AWK!" or "oof!" and "AhhhChoooo!" (sorry, I don't want to spoil the ending). Plus the pictures are colorful and goofy.