Parents of Challenging Children support group

Tweens to Teens; Straight Talk about Your Changing Body

Having to buy a bra, wearing deodorant, having to shave and getting a period,  are only a few of the changes that girls go through when they first enter puberty. When girls can talk openly with a woman they trust, these changes will be much less frightening.

On April 11, from 5:30 to 8:00 pm, Family Strengths Network will host “Tweens to Teens,”a workshop for 9-13 year old girls and their moms or other female adults.

This program gives girls a chance to talk about the physical and emotional changes that come with puberty in a safe environment. They are given complete, accurate information so they know what to expect and how to deal with these changes.

This will be the third year FSN offers Tweens to Teens. Meagan Pfeffer, RN, the Los Alamos Public Health Nurse, and Jennifer Bartram, a prevention educator who has been helping families communicate for 15 years, teach the workshop. 

Pfeffer goes over the physical changes that girls experience when they enter puberty, such as beginning a menstrual cycle and hygiene issues that come up. Bartram does a presentation about communication and values.

Even moms who have already begun the discussion about puberty with their daughters will benefit from the workshop because girls have the support of other girls who are going through the same thing.

Sometimes people are squeamish about asking questions. This is a chance to ask any type of question and get a straight-talk answer. No question is too weird to ask!

For example, the girls are usually really interested to find out how to work feminine hygiene products. Pfeffer brings in tampons and maxi pads so that the girls can look at them, take them apart and figure out how they work. It’s important for girls to know how to operate these hygiene products ahead of time and get in the habit of carrying them around, just in case.

“We have good participation,” said Bartram. “It's a safe place for girls to talk about these things and learn from the women.  The open dialogue really helps. ”Tweens to Teens is not talk about sexuality or sex. Participants will get the tools they need to navigate potentially awkward subjects.

Bartram, who works with teens every day, teaches mothers and daughters how to establish better communication during this stage of life. One exercise lets kids and adults see how much they have in common and where they differ in their personal values.

Bartram also shows participants how to begin discussions and negotiate agreements, about things like curfew and homework before they become arguments. “Teens want clear, set boundaries,” said Bartram. “And they want to be able to negotiate different boundaries as they get older.”

“The group support is very important,” said Bartram. “Takes it one step further than the discussion that you would have at home.”

Everyone will receive a valuable reference tool that they can take home. The book The Care and Keeping of You; The Body Book for Girls, explains everything a girl needs to know about her changing self in a fun and appealing way. It covers topics like acne, diet and exercise, braces and breasts.  

The workshop is $35, and financial aid is available (please ask). A pizza dinner will be served.

Register online at www.lafsn.org. Call 662-4515 if you have any questions. FSN is located at 1990 Diamond Drive in the Pueblo Complex in Los Alamos. FSN is a United Way Community Partner.

The tummy time blanket

Calvin's attempts at being like a baby aren't all bad.  When they have "tummy time" together, he is being very nice to her.

Baby Calvin

I don't know whether it's sibling rivalry, or the fact that Calvin had a cold coming on.  But a little while ago Calvin needed to wear a Spiderman band-aid all the time, and he wanted me to feed him with a bottle on my lap.  It's pretty ridiculous. I humored him, and he grew out of it (or, at least I think he did. I had to feed and burp him last Wednesday night when we went to eat with Janice).

Pee like a man!

A lot of my friends advised that having a baby would mean that, even if I did succeed in potty-training Calvin, he might revert back into his old ways when the baby came. Luckily, he isn't potty trained completely, but now that the baby is born, we're back to fighting the potty training battle.

Quinn has come up with some fun potty chants. So, especially around bedtime, you might find the entire Marksteiner family parading around upstairs (Calvin usually does his parading in the nude) singing "Pee in the Potty, Pee in the Potty, Pee in the Potty bump bump bump!" at the top of our lungs.

This has gotten Calvin pretty pumped about using the potty.  We occasionally beat on drums while doing this, and when he finally goes to the potty and pees we cheer for him.

Another chant (that Quinn made up) is good for encouraging young men to pee standing up. It goes (and you have to sing it like you're some kind of pro-wrestler taunting the competition): Pee like a man like a man like a man, Pee like a man like a manly man man!"

When we sing this Calvin gets the stool out and either pees in the toilet or does a high shot into the toilet.

For Christmas he got a pack of superhero underpants and I tried to get him excited about them by waving them around and saying he can try wearing underpants in the morning.... but that didn't go over too well. He cried and screamed.

Oh well.  Some changes take a little getting used to. I can't expect to start flinging underwear around and expect him to be automatically enthusiastic. Luckily he got a neat book for Christmas that makes underpants seem cool: Aliens Love Underpants, By Claire Freedman. In it the aliens come down to earth to play with underpants.

But the thing that got Calvin to appreciate underwear wearing is flattery (hey-it works every time with me!) I put on a pair of underwear on him when he was distracted (he was looking at a Wiggles book when I was changing his diaper).  Then, to be honest, I forgot that he was wearing it, so a couple of hours later his sweatpants were wet, and I took him upstairs for a bath. When he pulled down his sweatpants I said, "Wow! You've got underpants on! Cool!"

He looked down to see his awesome new underpants and I could tell he felt like a real big shot. He was talking about them all night as I got him ready for bed. Then I put another pair on over his diaper when he slept. (I don't have a rubber sheet yet... so I'm not ready to let him sleep without a diaper). When Quinn came home from his jazz band rehearsal, I told him to go upstairs and compliment Calvin on his underwear. It worked. Calvin knows it's cool to wear underwear.

We still have a few struggles. He still is rebellious and doesn't want to go to the potty when we ask him, and sometimes he only wants to wear the orange underpants and if the orange underpants are dirty we'll have to suffer through an afternoon-long temper tantrum.  Why do kids have to be potty trained while they're so emotionally volatile and unreasonable? Sounds like the topic for another blog post.

Nightmare U

It's almost Halloween, and we finally got our costumes: Chewbacca for Calvin, Darth Vader for Quinn and Jabba the Hutt for me. But last night, as we were getting ready to go swimming (we weren't even going to watch TV) Calvin suddenly started screaming, "Don't want to watch Star Wars!" and crying.  He was really upset, and we wondered if he had a Star Wars nightmare during his nap.

I think his imagination must be at a place where he's having nightmares and getting scared of the things that he sees on TV and in real life. I hope he won't get scared when we all put on our costumes.

It's not even like we watch shows that are that scary. There's a skit on his Sesame Street DVD where Smokey Robinson sings "U really got a hold on me" as a giant foam U attacks him and clings to his legs.
It's cute, I think, but lately Calvin's been crying when it comes on.  I have to fast forward through it! We figured he must have had a nightmare about that, and Quinn said, "If there's a heaven, I want to see Calvin's U dream."

The moral of the story is we don't let Calvin watch Dexter with us.

What's an appropriate reward for pooping near the potty?

After our vacation was over Quinn and I decided to try to get Calvin interested in potty training once again.  But, on top of the fact that he usually runs away when we suggest going potty, progress is still pretty shaky.  I think the main problem is that he's a little too creative with his technique.

First off, he always insists on being completely naked before attempting any bladder control methods.

Then, a week ago he was going to pee. Sounds simple enough. There was a potty seat facing the toilet and a stool in the middle.  I think he could choose between standing on the stool to pee in the toilet or sit on the potty seat, or maybe stand on the ground and pee in the potty.

So what does he do? He stands on the stool and aims for the potty, and pees on in, not in it. I'm trying to be encouraging while pulling out the Clorox wipes. I mean, he's close, right?

Yesterday he was leaning against the ottoman, and his face started to scrunch up in an all too familiar way. I rushed him into the bathroom and took off his diaper. "Hurry, sit on the potty and poop there!" I said.

"No!" He struggled to his feet. "No more potty chair!"

He got up on the stool, and I thought he might sit on the toilet.  Instead, from up on the stool, he lifted his leg like a dog and pooped on my foot!

It was seriously his best attempt at pooping so far and as an added bonus he sat on the potty afterwards and peed a little.  But I had more cleanup to do.

I gave him a congratulatory popsicle, and he didn't really want it. Oh well... I didn't really want him to poop on my foot either, so I guess we're even.